Worth of a Soul.

My favorite picture of life:



The story behind the painting...
From renowned Christian artist, Liz Lemon Swindle, October 2007:


When Mothers Without Borders approached me about going to Africa, I told them I was not interested. For me Africa was a world away, "and besides", I thought, "I am too busy." Imagine my surprise when I found myself on a plane to Zambia in June 2007.

One of the first children I met was Kennedy, the little boy you see in the painting. At three years old he has lost both of his parents to AIDS and was found living alone with his six year old brother and ten year old sister. When I thought of those three children struggling to survive and the millions of others across Africa in similar circumstances, I felt an overwhelming hopelessness and said to myself, "No amount of money can fix this."

Later that day while we were filming, Kennedy jumped into the arms of the man portraying the Savior. As I stood watching them, Kennedy turned towards me and our eyes met. At that moment I knew it wasn't hopeless. I realized that the Savior can fix not only the problems of Africa, but of the whole world... and we can be His hands to do it.

Looking back I realize that my reasons for not wanting to go to Africa are likely the same as yours. We are busy and feel like we cannot make a difference, but I know now that neither is true. We are never too busy to lift another and every good work is known to Him who said, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of... these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."


This picture and the description explains my feelings about my beloved africa. If you want to know me at all look up: Alma 26:35-37.

Merry Christmas time to all of you! Rememember that the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.


heart,
vickitoria

ps. one day this painting will hang in my home. but for now, i hope to get a mini size to carry with me wherever i go. (hint, hint...christmas...)

YOU AND ME WE ARE THE SAME

"A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race.

Observe charity, wisdom and fellow-feeling, with love one towards another in all things, and under all circumstances.

Consider the state of the afflicted and try to alleviate their suffering; let your bread feed the hungry, and your clothing cover the naked;..do good to all men...that you may be harmless and blameless, the sons of God without rebuke."--the prophet Joseph Smith

Breaking News:


http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/8249693.stm

Africa is still suffering.
:(
People. People are still suffering. Their harsh circumstances are so different than our deepest nightmares. Please pray for them.

Sometimes that is all we can do; that is the most we can do.

They are human beings--they are God's children, same as you and me.

since today is september 11,2009--8th year anniversary of the tragic terrorist attacks on our nation, i wanted to encourage/remind the blogging world about
prayer.
fasting.
believing in each other.
hope.

america has a lot of things going on. the world has a lot of things going on. each of us, has a lot of things going on.

in the words of one republic (only cause i'm listening to it randomly, not being emo)--

hello world, i hope you're listening. forgive me if i'm young, for speaking out of turn.... but:

"Courage, my friends. 'Tis not too late to make a better world."--thomas douglas

being patriotic, i immediately clicked 'join group' on the fbook page :)that stated, "sept. 11- a day of fasting and prayer.'' how appropriate. What better way to honor those that suffered that tragic day and those who fought for the suffering, then to draw our thoughts and actions to the Heavens.
So, there's my invite. A day of prayer and fasting for our nation, it's leaders, and of course, this world.
Take some time to learn about what is going on in our country. Take some time to figure out what is going on in the world.

In other news......


i now live in batavia , illinois. i never thought i would call this place 'home' for longer than a couple weeks after i left high school, but alas life often turns out how you least expect. and thats okay.

living at home lets me do cool things such as:
1. hang out with URS and NOEL. duh, awesome.
2. hang out with benson. too adorable to speak about.
3. work out with Kiera. yes.
4. eat Ursula's food. yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
5. visit Katie and crew and be a part of their FIRST HOME experience. rockin.
6. studying preach my gospel with noel. slash sharing our souls. thanks daddy.
7. going to a grown up book club. .....

this last one leads me to my present thoughts and tangent.
Oh crappp. I don't remember the name of the book, but Sara Brady wrote it. It's about her life and the life of her husband after he was shot with President Reagan. Anyways, she had a cause that she fought for--gun control, from what I grasped from the discussion. The book club was really wonderful with a lot of various discussions, but one that really stuck with me was about being passionate for a cause.

What are you passionate about?
During book club we began to discuss this. Well, I sat back and listened mostly to the 6 other women whom I admire greatly as they discussed their concerns and regrets and emotions and well, their lives. These are women who have magnificent talents and dedicated their lives to their families and serving the Lord. I could blatantly see their passions, yet they could not. I saw that they were satisfied with their lives, but also wanting to have that passion for a cause and not knowing if what they had done was good enough. (believe me, it was ...they are remarkable). BUT.
It made me wonder and consider my life. What am I passionate about? Does the world know? Better yet, do my friends know? My family?? I think they do. . .I hope they do. Do passions change? Probably. BUT.

Isn't it about time, to figure it out?

what cause are you passionate about (big or small)??
have you shared that with others?
you should.

I'll listen. Email me or hit me up with a comment.

This world needs us to be passionate. As humans, we need that.

Isn't it about time ?

:)

Oh my beloved Africa. Someday we will be united once more.

YOU AND ME WE ARE THE SAME---thank you Uganda for stating this most certain truth.

heart,
Vickitoria

It's True, I am in LOVE.

with my AFRICA.

STILL.

YES INDEED, a year later and we still love each other and we still love our beloved africa. We all hang out, quite often in fact. LOVE.


This summer I will be in FIJI doing the similar humanitarian and development work with HELP (check out my other blog--
www.tortotime.blogspot.com ). So cheers to another adventure. But don't you think I'll be forgetting about my dear Uganda...cause that just aint possible.


heart,
Vickitoria

Nickel and Five pennies...

Being home i get to see old friends and friends of the family. one of these old friends of the family who i love and think is hilariousssssssssss made a comment about my africa that made me literally want to drop kick this certain person in the trachea.
we were talking about africa and this person said," i wouldn't give a dime to anyone in that whole continent."
(hahahahah, i was courteously laughing trying to make a joke out of it)
and this person said, "no seriously think about it. between aids, corruption, and diseases in 10 years there will be no one left over there."

I said, (still smiling of course) , "no its on the upturn. I know the people over there, things are changing, its hopeful. . . and if nothing else, I WILL be over there in ten years."

It was a casual comment and muffled in a crowd of people discussing their holiday hor dourves and wassail drink as they anticipated a large dinner and enjoyed the smells and warm comfort of our living room. ....with presents waiting at home and family near, yaaa, why would you give 10cents to a continent with an overwhelming need for shelter, food, medication, and love?
i'm fuming.

How dare someone speak those words in my home where I have traveled to Uganda and loved my work there and adored those people.

I can't even write about it anymore.
I'm furious with this person, but not at the same time.
The ignorance is crushing me. People think they have an idea of the corruption and hunger and disease over there cause they've seen pictures or heard stories or seen documentaries.

Don't you dare think you know anything at all.
I've lived there and walked those streets and my team and I have been a part of that culture and danced with them and sang praises and literally spoon fed the disabled. And we too, can not and will not over generalize our findings.

But if i've learned anything, anything at all, it is that I know nothing.

With this knew found knowledge I move forward hopefully as an ambassador for Africa to try and live my life so that I might go back there someday. This is not just a far off place. This is my other home.

I have given and I will continue to give a dime and all my efforts to that far off place I love.


Merry Christmas my friends,
Vickitoria

Courage.

"Courage, also known as bravery, will, intrepidity, and fortitude, is the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. "Physical courage" is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, or threat of death, while "moral courage" is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement." --the very dependable wikipedia.

Per Usual, its time for reflection. As a current 21 year old many things in my life should be accomplished at this point in time....
they aren't.
Many things should be learned, experienced, and 'done and done' as hbales and i would say...
well, they aren't.

Okay, so looking back at these past 21 years of God given life what has occurred? What has been accomplished? What have I failed? Even moreso, WHO have I failed? What cause has moved forward because I existed, WHO has moved towards success because I their mentor?

Now, I'm not looking for a self esteem boost or to make this a pity post, but really isn't it about time...to re-evaluate life? ...my life, anyway.


The truth is, is that it is time for a change. Good thing it is a new year and a new semester of opportunity to make these changes and to get things done like i know i need to.

You know I learned so much this past summer in my beloved Africa and i think its about time i put this new knowledge into my life. Very honestly and humbly, i admit (to this blogging world ) that I have really wasted so much quality time, energy, money, and resources this past semester as i've wallowed in silent loneliness missing my beloved africa. its time for a change.

As some of you know, I have 'themes' in my life...and i'd like to introduce a new one about my Africa....

They don't need our pity, they need our prayers.

They don't need me wallowing...they need me working.

If you have not read or seen the book Hope in the Dark, it is about time you do so. The introduction shook my soullllllll. Please read it. http://www.hopeinthedark.com

Well, after all those rambles I think its time for a short story...
Gulu. Have I ever mentioned my time up North in the Displacement Camps??? I do not think so... Well, it was about the middle of July and instead of going on a safari I decided to go to Gulu ( lonnnng story/hard decision, but right decision for me) which is where we would be teaching business training to a select group of people. I was assigned Advertising/Marketing. Gulu was a tough trip for our team for several reasons. The bus ride was long and dreadful, but we could handle it by now. Nine hours on a horrendous bus was cake for us...However, it was near the end of our African experience and we were anxious/stressed/emotions were high because we wanted to go home, but didn't want to at the same time. Our team dynamics were off. I remember we stayed with Honorable Betty and her adorable family. Well, the boys stayed at her home and the girls had to walk down the road to another little place where we stayed. Man oh mannnnnn that place was so interesting. No running water. No bathroom or latrine that I can think of...Freshly painted sea blue walls made the fumes overwhelming and so that we couldn't touch the walls. It was literally a room with three mattresses on the floor, another small room with bunks and another room where we put our stuff. It was small, but again we were fine. However, I have never been so filthy in my life and we were literally living and sleeping in dirt (literally) and sharing mattresses and getting eaten alive as we heard mice/rats all around...(there was a HUGE hole in the ceiling). Well, most of us had had enough of just everything and each other. To top it off our business lessons were going just okay and for some, not well at all. We couldn't tell if people were understanding (we had translators) and we just felt like failures and were not getting support from one another. It was a tough time. Our tempers were short. I know, I know, we should have thought about our lives and how incredible they were, and believe me, I tried. I did. I was still grateful for where I was, but I can't even describe our circumstances and the feelings felt. It was rough. Well, Sunday morning came and we really wanted to get to the LDS branch that was fairly new in GULU. It took us forever. Half of us went in the complete wrong direction and were led to the wrong place. We were frustrated as it was and it only got worse. Well, we finally did make it to the little branch held in a humble very random building. I remember a few things about that sunday. Number one: the church was organized with a branch president. Number two: We sang the same hymns i knew and loved. Number three: we felt the same spirit and we were all humbled. I have never felt so much humility in my life. Our team had been arguing and annoyed with one another but as we sat in that room we sang, "count your many blessings" and "How firm a foundation." I was taught that day that we are not in charge of our circumstances, but that is not our responsibility. It is our responsibility to make the most out of what we are given and to still sing praises to our Heavenly Father who declares to us over and over, "fear not i am with thee, o be not dismayed. For I am thy God and will still give thee aid" despite our erroneous ways and prideful hearts. corbin and steph sang a duet as well. We were brought to tears. Very, very humble tears. Our team spent the rest of the day apologizing to one another and for me personally, trying to be a little better, a little kinder, and more patient. It was a tough time for all of us and it was time for us to respect that with one another. Looking back now many in our team still reflect on how Gulu was just a tough time and not that great experience for the first group of people who went. But for me, I have no regrets about that trip and I will be forever grateful for the lessons I learned sitting in that very humbling sacrament meeting. No matter where we find ourselves in this world, there is one God who knows where we are and what we are doing. And despite our actions, though good or bad, proactive or lazy, He will still reaffirm to us that He is real and available and forgiving.
He will still give us aid.

Thank God.

Well, Merry Christmas my dear friends and family. Africa is still in my heart more than ever and is not going away any time soon. I guess this post was supposed to be mostly about having the courage in our lives to do what we know is needed, necessary, and nice in our current situation... so,


"Courage, my friends, 'tis not too late to make a better world." --Thomas Douglas

love,
Vickitoria

Tangents, clips, and short stories from a jumbled brain

Its November time now. Days have passed. Months even. Soon enough it is going to be years.

I'm almost 21 now. How quickly life passes us by. My oldest nephew is eight . My dad is almost 62. Right now I find myself in Seattle, and like most days, my mind drifts back to my beloved Africa. I don't talk about it too much anymore; i mean what can be said about the best experience of your life except for just that-it was the best thing i have ever done. Who really wants to hear about Africa every day? So instead, I find myself wandering on campus alone laughing at the small things i enjoy; public restrooms, toilet paper, jeans, fast food, restaurants w/ food that comes within 20 minutes, internet, milk, bread, houses, air conditioning, doors, locks, sidewalks, lights, school, classrooms, desks, voting, the gospel, a comfy bed, foood, laptops, slippers, tap water, electricity, cell phones...the list continues....Literally, each and every day my mind wanders to the wonders of this life i live here that is so different than my dear uganda. Just today sitting in my brothers beautiful home I was in awe at the simple daily activity of cooking dinner and the appliances and the amount of delicious food that was available.

Tonight Suzy Gillies and her family came over to my brother's house because they just moved to WA. She is also in love with Uganda and went there in March and is going back in June with JAckie! I absolutely LOVED talking about Africa with her. No one else really wants to hear much about it, but swapping stories and experiences quite honestly makes me excited to be alive and that Africa was not just a dream and that those people exist and are real and most importantly that this is my purpose and i need to go back to that place. . .It's my catalyst; my motivation to be more than what i'm being and to do more than what i think i must do.

Whoa, what a tangent i just went on.

This blog was supposed to be about some short stories; a first of the many small 'clips' of experiences i believe it is time to share. .. so, here it goes.

-I remember after being in Africa for two days it felt like we had been there for weeks. I quickly felt comfortable with my team and the people we were working with and I enjoyed the projects we had going on for us at Hope Orphanage. Man, I loved those kids. We had to haul bricks from one side of the yard to the other so we made a long assembly line of volunteers and kids and sang songs and laughed and danced and got buff. We sang Old McDonald, and other kids songs and they taught us some African ones as well. I hate myself for not writing down specifics. One of the workers there (see i forgot his name and i am kicking myself...) I just absolutely fell in love with. I think he is the kindest man I have ever met in my entire life. He volunteered at the home and was so helpful. He is the epitome of the African man. He is so pure and good. Anyways, we also hauled clay that day. We walked up the road a long ways, then down a long road to where they were digging up clay. We put handfuls of the clay in our pails and (IT WAS HEAVY) and hauled it back up the hill/road. We did this several times and I tried to put it on my head but it hurt so bad. One girl, Kristen, made a leaf cushion for Rylee and so Rylee was able to put the pail on her head. The kids couldn't really speak english and we definitely could not speak Luganda, but we communicated. I never felt that there was a barrier or frustrated b/c we did not speak the same language. There was always joy with those kids. One in particular, Isaac, I didn't know yet, but soon became fast friends with him that day. I was hauling clay and he came running down the hill and could not stop and totally ran into me. He was so embarressed and felt awful. I let him know that it was completely fine, and after that he did all these little things to serve me. He washed my hands, got me a plate and silverware, cleaned my dishes after, cut down a jackfruit from the tree and opened it for me to eat. (A WHOLE JACKFRUIT. THEY ARE HUGE. . pictures soon..)Anyways, after that we had a special bond. I miss that kid. . .i never got to properly say goodbye.


Well, that was jumbled and maybe not that interesting....but it's time for me to write down my 'short stories' about my african life. Perhaps, my feelings too. I never really did a great job of that...so this blog is going to be the place were i can get any random thoughts out about africa.
Yeah, I know, it is, infact, about time....
Well, weleba my friends.

Love,
Vickitoria.

honesty time.

(please play the video at the top of this page...Dave barnes, 10,000 children.)

searching for the focus while living in all the unclarity.



















death and pain and heartache and suffering surrounded me, yet the refuge was clear.
people.
people are what matter. life. laughter. love.

it doesn't matter if it is cliche sounding, because it is honest.
and honesty is the best we can do.

as the people suffered; they loved. as they lost; they hungered for change.
they laughed. they cried. they sang praises to god. they understood.
in a world of serious, serious hardship, their was joy.
o god, what is the purpose in all of this?

Katie Sullivan, a fantastically talented volunteer serving in uganda with me this past summer expressed these words that i could not. it is more true than i imagined it ever could possibly be:

"The amazing part about this experience that i had is that i'm not different because, " i saw such shocking things" or "i found out about suffering in a way i never had" or something like that. i feel every american loves their drama and most of the people i tell about it want to be all about the tragedy and heartbreak i saw, which i'm not saying i didn't see, (cause we did), but that wasn't the point for me. What changed me was that I met people I loved on a deeper more unique level than i had ever known before. In loving me they gave me a part of my soul I didn't know was missing, and in leaving them another part of my soul died in a way I had never expected. "


the pain is real. i love people who are suffering a world away and yet to me, it is no longer that far off place that i have seen on a tv screen; it was my home. they are my friends, my strengths, my favorite people. africa is with me every single day and quite honestly, every single hour of the day. i live today as a 'poor' college student while my friends struggle to survive, to find opportunities, to fight for their dreams and to live another day in that beloved place i called home for just three short months of this life. i witnessed the pain, the serious struggle, the laughter and the joy they found in their faith. the numerous life lessons they taught are forever with me and are my catalyst for change; in me , in my future, and hopefully for this world. they 'get it'.....life, love, happiness.... cause they have to fight for it every single day.. isn't it about time, that we 'get it' too?




























how can i live my life ignoring theirs?





































i can not.
heart,
vickitoria



i'm not technically an idealist, but i'm a positive realist and i've walked those streets and seen what could be, if we all could just, "get it."